(I wrote this on my phone two years ago, during my bus ride and I still agree with myself.)
... first, you cry and feel absolutely devastated and gutted. You feel like the world ended but pretty quickly you realize it didn't end for other people, it ended only for you.
Well, not really, you just feel like it did and I think that's alright. You must be broken. Being broken is an opportunity to be REBUILT into new you - which is so much better than the old you. This is how growing up and evolving looks like.
You NEED THIS.
Everyone should go through a couple of breakups in their lives. Just like the actor Anna Faris said in her podcast Unqualified: "I don't trust people who have never been heartbroken."
The most heartbreaking thought I had when I was going through my pain was 'oh my God, he will NEVER AGAIN come home TO ME through that door'.
Okay, so... first you're broken, then you're manic and you start meeting new people and you start to date again: intentionally or not intentionally.
I did it not intentionally. I had no wish, desire or plan to date after my breakup two years ago, but I was open to meeting new people and things naturally transformed into dating (which surprised me). I was so busy and distracted by meeting new people (not just in dating kind of way) and so all over the place that I didn't have time to feel pain. I was just happy all the time. I refused to be the old me who always marinated in pain.
But then one day I hit the brakes and I intentionally stop hanging out with people all the time and I started hurting, crying, looking back again. You can't run away from the things you need to work on, it will ALWAYS catch up to you. You can't be practical when it comes to your feelings and devastating life events. You can't ignore it and pretend it didn't happen.
I personally don't feel good around people who don't allow themselves to feel pain and make a taboo out of it. This is not healthy. You need to deal with it, analyze what happened, objectively look at what YOU did wrong, what are the things you need to work on.
Love relationships are a huge opportunity for you to work on yourself and become the best version of yourself, to become the person who will make YOU happy. Your boyfriend or girlfriend can't do that and don't put that pressure on them. Most people do this. Especially girls and women have that kind of mentality: "One day my perfect guy will come around and save me, heal me, make me happy, make everything alright. I just haven't met him yet." Well, this is utter garbage and nonsense. Work on yourself, reach your personal goals and only then be open for meeting new people because this means you will have your true inner happiness, calmness and you will make your decision on who you will start dating from the place of POWER and not from a place of FEAR.
What kind of mumbo jumbo is this you ask? Well, think about it. We always think about the perfect girlfriend or boyfriend we want to be in a relationship with, but do you ever ask yourself would that perfect person want to date you? What do YOU have to offer? You can meet that perfect person but if you're not in a good place and you haven't worked on yourself, then that person won't stay.
Once you've cried your eyes out and analyzed everything in your past relationship for the thousandth times, then slowly but surely life starts to calm down and you stop looking back. You start feeling your present self. You truly see and feel your new reality. You focus on people who are in your life NOW. And if you are that evolved, then you truly appreciate them.
Then you focus on yourself and you focus some more. And THEN it’s safe to date again.
But only if you really want to. Build YOUR WORLD on your own. Be happy on your own. Discover yourself. Spend your time with people who mirror your views on life, have similar hobbies, make you laugh and care for you. Be really strict when it comes to your friendships. Choose just the BEST people and by 'best' I mean people who you really want to spend your time with. You don't have to force anything, you're a grown-up, you have the balls to say no if you want to. This is YOUR TIME, you're free to do whatever you want. It's a glorious time!
If you stumbled upon these words because you were searching for them because you're going through a breakup, just like I was searching for them and wanted to be okay again, I can from the bottom of my heart honestly say to you: Sweety pie, you're going to be okay. Don't trust me, trust the process of life, it's exactly what I kept in my mind. You will later find out why this is a good thing. It will probably take a few years, just be patient and calm. You can gain so much from this earthquake if you're willing to put the work in.
One of the things that penetrated my brain that first horrible night was 'now I have a chance to experience fresh love again, share the first kiss with someone, to feel butterflies, to start again'. This gave me strength and hope. It helped a lot. So keep in mind this wonderful truth: now you have a chance to be so happy, so loved, cherished, admired, honored, accepted, adored! Chin up buttercup!
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